Shh... There It Is Again. Did You Hear It?

Somewhere in the distance a clock is tick-tocking.

Mostly the sound gets drowned out by the buzz and hum of day to day life as it drones inexorably on, but there are times when I imagine that I can almost hear the repetitive soft mechanical clashing as my swiftly passing days go by.  Aware as I am in those moments of the fleeting nature and unknown length of my existence in this world, I am at once disarmed by the entirety and magnitude of it all, while simultaneously I feel empowered by the urgency of needed actions which will raise the sum of my life to something worthy of the gift.

When I was 19 and 20, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.  I signed up for college under the belief that I was “supposed” to, but had no internal drive for it and no end goal in mind beyond the supposition that I might stumble upon a subject which interested me enough to pursue as a career.  In the end, I found some interesting subjects, but not nearly enough of them and fewer still maintained my interest beyond the first few weeks.  After a few semesters, I failed out of Purdue University.  I did not, in fact, Boiler Up.

Faced with the vastness of infinite choice, I floundered.

Many instances upon a time, I have again had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.  I felt then, and continue to feel, the persistent need to live a life of consequence but what does that mean, even?  Yeah, there are the universal principles of service to God and service to fellow man, but how do I apply such principles to my own specific life in a way that suits my strengths and interests?  How do I achieve something uniquely me - or should that even be a consideration?  Well-intentioned but non-confident action is better than inaction, but what if more thought and consideration before acting would magnify the effect of future actions?  What if it doesn’t?

There is a fine line between planning and floundering - a razor’s edge, even.  I have faltered in the past but, though I lived to regret it, I used that remaining life to work hard and recover from my first pass at college.

The Great Newspaper Upstairs is writing my story even now.

The deadline approaches.

tick-tock… tick-tock… tick-tock…

Do I have time to recover again?