A Mister of Mystery And The Heir Of Air

I turn to walk backwards, convinced that the things I have seen hold more meaning than what lies ahead.  My progress does not stop, and moving on I take focus of things only after they have occurred.  Too late do I realize that I have forfeited new moments, even as the old ones I value the most slip away into the horizon, becoming lost in time and memory.  - JB 11/20/11

I don’t often recall my dreams, but I’m a hero in them when I do.  Last night I was a crime fighter.  Before that, I starred as an unbeatable warrior in a Greek mythology styled tale.  Maybe tonight I’ll be a Total Recall-esque accidental hero with a bit of Jason Bourne thrown in for kicks.  Whatever the story, it’s clear that my dreams appreciate me more than you do.

Everyone is a hero in their own mind, and also a villain.  It’s strange how we can over-value our own abilities and input in the world, while knowing of, and obsessing over, our faults at the same time… but we do.  The brain is constantly categorizing, ranking, and assessing.  It’s a normal part of the human condition, though most of the time such observations as guide our judgments are rather superficial... even when it comes to ourselves.  In fact, I have come to believe that most people don’t truly take the time to get to know themselves.  Instead, they take it for granted that such a knowledge is inherent – which it most certainly is not.

As Michelle and I progress farther into the pregnancy of our first child, I have been giving more thought to who I am… or maybe… I have been giving more thought to who I want my child to know me as.  I will be a hero to my child no matter what I do, or at least I think that’s the way things tend to work, (and I wouldn’t mind being part of the norm), but there will come a point when this child will begin to reassess everything they know about the world – relationships included.

In many ways, people like to think that I am an extrovert – and I might be – but I’m undoubtedly an introvert as well.  My many-tracked mind likes to conjure up jokes, and I like to share them.  After all, happiness is only real when shared.  I’m the nerdy version of a class clown at times, but I’ll tell you straight out that such things as I am wont to share are trivial to who I really am.

On important subjects where I might value someone’s judgment, I find myself much more introverted.  I don’t take compliments well, I don’t dance, and if I share a meaningful thought it comes only after much mental wrangling over the proper way to express it... though I often ramble on in futility anyway.  It’s even an effort for me to post to this continually unfolding manuscript of greatness, because I try to infuse the essence of my spirit into these postings, but I do it anyway because it’s a good mental exercise... but it is a very difficult task for many reasons.

Many-tracked minds don’t slow down and ponder life in a very linear manner and, beyond my ADD tendencies - I have a tough time mind-wrapping the subject of… myself.

Given recent pre-paternal reflection, I can not but make the somewhat ironic conclusion that as of right now I am a Mister of Mystery to myself.  Of the near-infinite qualities I could possess, I can’t identify a single one which I definitively claim as my own.  In my dreams I play a fairly standard role, but in real life I find myself quite molded by circumstance and timing.  All things Jamal appear to me as a shade of gray in the long-run.

One who lives life with purpose will discover truths about the universe and can, through parenting, share them with another, thereby providing the foundation for the evolution of humanity.  A parent’s learned reality is a child’s inheritance. - JB 11/20/11

If I don't know of myself, what is my learned reality?  Right now my unborn child is heir to nothing more than air… a lot of it… and it tends to runs hot.

This merits more reflection.

Veterans Day, In His Own Words

It was in the year of 1917 when through the whole world it was war and more wars, Everybody was jittery and nervous, all the young men were on edge and everybody was wondering when their call to service was coming from Uncle Sam. Many young men rather than wait were enlisting to get it over with, and rather than to be drafted they also expected this way to get in the branch of service which they liked most.

I myself was also expecting to be called at any time. I was at this time working in a large grocery store known as a Centennial Market. It was a large store and handled most everything from imported goods, to fish on Thursday. We would receive a large supply and these had to be gotten ready for Friday morning, marked. They would have to be delivered to the customers. This made the end of the week a busy one and we would not be able to do any cleaning on Thurs., Friday or Saturday. Therefore, when Monday morning came, we had a lot of cleaning to do. Therefore, on this Monday morning, as all Mondays, I would start and check my truck, sweep the floor and then start to clean my windows. I was busy at this task when one of my friends came along. He worked in a garage on the next block, so he stopped and talked a short time. Then he was going over to the recruiting office to enlist, so he would be able to take his choice before it was too late. He said, “You better go along.” I told him to wait, I would talk to my boss. He decided it to be a great thing to do, so I told him to wait till I put the bucket and brush away, that I would go with him.

So now we were on our way to the recruiting station. After arriving, the only branch open was Aviation. This suited him, but I took it knowing I could transfer later. We took our examination, which was tough but we made it and we were in. Then after we signed all the papers, he told us that we were to leave the next day on the 11:00 Interurban. I told him that this was one day too soon, for I wanted to go out and see my brothers and sisters first, they were scattered all throughout the county and I had to go by horse and buggy. This was slow traveling. He then told me, “Okay then Wednesday at 11:00.” So bidding everybody goodbye I left a day later for Fort Benjamin at Indianapolis.

After arriving there, we were given a real going over to make sure we were 100 percent, also meeting my buddy there again. After remaining here a few days, we were placed in a train with several more recruits headed for Fort Thomas, Kentucky. After arriving here, we were placed in platoons in large barracks. We now also were given our uniforms. And how they fit, they would look at us and throw them at us. It was a laugh. My overcoat was dragging the ground. Being unable to walk in it, I snipped it off. Then the officer asked me where the rest of my coat was. I told him, “In the stove.” He said, “Three days work in the kitchen.” After this, I got my first rifle and began to drill. What a life this was, as we did not know any of the commands they shouted at us. Doing this, I soon made up my mind to try to transfer to field at heavy artillery, for I heard all aviators were being sent to Texas. So I put in for a transfer. After waiting three weeks, my name was on the bulletin board. I was leaving Sat. morning and was going to be sent to Fort Wright, NY. This is an island 9 miles out in the ocean from New London, Conn.

Here our first real training began as we were now in the regular army and they were real soldiers. They were tough and hardened to the army life, but instead of artillery training, they were giving us the Old Infantry drill every day for 8 hours. This got tough, but sure did toughen us the way we should be. I think I tried to take everything with a smile. We thought, this is funny, drilling us as infantry. Then one morning we received the following news: Due to the shortage of infantry overseas, our regiment consisting of several batteries, we would now be equipped as infantry and that we would soon be sent overseas, to get the remainder of our training on French soil.

After this, we began to train harder than ever. We were also given our overseas equipment, full war equipment. It was about 90 lbs. Now we had to drill with this on our backs. We now were restricted to our quarters. We knew now that we were ready to sail at a moment’s notice. Everybody was nervous and wondering when it was coming and how soon. We were also wondering where do we go and to what part of Europe? Then for several more days we lounged around, ate and slept, and wrote letters home.
Finally, one evening after supper the bugle blew. We grabbed everything and fell in line. But no, just another inspection of everything, barrack boys and all. We were then sent back to our bunks, but at about 10:00, the bugle again sounded. This time we marched full pack in line. Then we were headed to the loading docks. Here waiting for us were a couple of large ferry boats. On this we were marched and soon we were on our way to the NY harbor, arriving here before the daylight. We then were unloaded into a large warehouse between the peers. We were told to stay in line and wait, sitting on our bags. We waited a long time. Finally we were given eats by the Salvation Army, also smokes. Now this warehouse had no windows, so seeing was impossible. Again we were inspected by several doctors to make sure we were not sick or carrying a disease. Again our equipment was inspected, then some more waiting. Then they told us we were to move into the next building and there stay for a short time. They opened a large door and in we went. This was a nice place, it had nice stairways and big lounging rooms. We were also now given a bunk to sleep on and a place to stay. We were given rations for meals.

After sleeping there that night, I told my buddy, “I believe we are already on an ocean liner.” He gave me a good laugh, told me I was jittery. I told him I thought I could feel vibration, but he again laughed and said a boat would move and could be noticed. So time moved on until about 11:00 that morning, when all of a sudden, the whole place came to light and the loud speaker blared out the news, “If you want to still see New York, you’d better get on deck in a hurry!”

The place was also now full of sailors. We went to find out that we were already out of the bay and in the ocean. We were hardly able to see New York or even the coastline anymore. We also learned that we were on one of England’s largest transport ships. Then my buddy said to me, “You were right, and we were already moving to the ocean when you thought you could feel vibration.” Then he sat down and had a good tear shedding. I think I likewise followed his pattern. Many of us now were sad, as we all knew we were on our way, and we also realized what was in store for us when we got to Europe.

We got to Europe, for we were a well-drilled and trained regiment that had been in the regular army. We were 50-60 men who had just been added to them to fill the ranks and make it war strength. Therefore, we were ready to go. This unit consisted of 5 large batteries, besides headquarters and supply. Leaving NY, we were in a large convoy of ships. The first day and night we were surrounded by sub chasers and battleships, but our ship was fast and a big one, so we left the convoy. Our Captain was a former German sub captain but he left the Germans and joined with England, so Germany had a price on his head. He would walk around like a “kook” so in case we were torpedoed, he might have a chance to get away.

Everything was going nicely and we were about mid-ocean when all of a sudden, early one morning our loud speaker began to sound off. It was sad news, for we were being attacked by a ship. They told us to drop everything, grab our life preserver and beat it for the deck. As we were hurrying for the top, our big guns began to boom. They had several guns on the front and rear, also some on the sides. They would almost roll the boat to one side, would then fire, then the boat would turn the other way and the other side would let go. We all had to get to our life boats. On these were tied coils of heavy rope. We were told, in case we were hit they would throw these coils of rope over and we would have to hang onto them, as they did not have enough life boats for so many men. This sounded bad, but better a rope than nothing in this big fish pond. Now there was very little joking and talking going on, and they were tense moments as our guns were roaring and torpedoes were coming our way. But each time, they missed. Some were very close to us, as we were able to see them coming in the water at us.

Finally, all of a sudden one of our shells must have hit the sub, for all at once the sub seemed to explore, turned on end and started to disappear. Now all we could see was what looked like a big oil splotch, and there was great joy. Everybody was smiling and rejoicing. Even the officers grabbed each other and shook hands. They had won out, and so had we. Now we were told to go back to our bunks and stay there, as there might be more subs in this pack.

I noticed the next morning we were not going straight but were zigzagging.  I asked a sailor why and he said to throw the subs off our course. He also stated that we had changed our course. The report had been that we were headed to France. Now where we were going, he did not know. After several more days at sea, we found out where we were going, as we landed in England.

Now we remained on the boat overnight. The following morning we were given a thorough inspection for any kind of disease or for any kind of epidemic. Also, our equipment was again given a good checkup. Towards evening, our boat again began to move out of the channel and headed for open water. When darkness came, we were again sailing along, not knowing where to, but the following day we heard that it was to (Frist?) France, and that is where we finally landed.

It was a bad landing. The mud was knee deep. In this we had to pitch our tents, and in this we had to sleep and live, standing in line for 2 hours to get our meals. How glad we were after 5-6 days to receive the good news that we were again to be on the move – this time by train – and we were to go to the southern part of France. So the following day at about 10 o’clock, we started to move to the Rail Road Center.

After walking about 3 miles, we arrived at these yards. Each one of us was given a pound of corn beef and led to our train, and what a train it was. Not coaches for us, but French box cars, a door on each side in the middle, and flat boards nailed from side to side with no back rest at all. On these, we had to ride and also sleep. So what a ride this was. We were unable to see or move, as they loaded 40 men (and horses?) in these cars. They would stop the train about every 5-6 hours, feed us and make us hike 3-4 miles for exercise, then back in our seat and away we went again. After about 5 days of this life, we were told that this night we were to arrive at our town and leave the train. This did happen about 10 o’clock that night, as we did arrive at the town of Clermont.

It was a big town that looked good to us and we were all happy to be there, as we were all dirty and bearded by this time. We were then marched from the rail yards to a large army camp like a prison. It had high stone walls all around it, but it had nice, brick barracks. Then instead of putting us in the barracks, they put us in a big horse pavilion. The saw dust was 3 inches deep. Now you can imagine the dust this made, as about 2000-2500 men marched into place here. We were all coughing and barking, and the sad part was, no showers to clean ourselves. We were also restricted to stay here till the doctors made sure none of us were sick or had any disease of any kind. How we longed for a bath and begged to get out, but the longer we were there, the more beard and dirt we accumulated. We were told that we had to remain there 5 days, only getting outside to get our meals or guard duty.

On the fourth night, I was on guard duty and had to pass a fountain that had a stream of water spraying out from the wall, and although it was snowing, another guard and me decided to take a bath. So I jerked my clothes off and took a shower, but I got caught doing it, so I was given 10 days hard labor working in the kitchen. They did not know, but it was a treat to me, and I also had a chance to snitch a bit once in awhile. The time moved faster also. Then after five days of quarantine, we were given a brick building and also a bunk to sleep in. We tried to get a pass out, but no. So I finally made up with the French guard to give him a package of cigarettes, then they would let us out. For another pack, we got in again. This worked fine till one of our officers seen us in town. Then the guards were changed and as we returned one evening, I noticed that Americans were on this gate. We knew that if we were caught, it meant the guard house. So we decided to scale the wall, one pushing the other up, then he pull his buddy up. So we watched the guard. When he was a good distance from us, we went for the wall. I pushed my buddy up, then he pulled me up. But just as we were both on top, the guard heard or seen us and shouted at us to stop, but we both jumped. Then the guard fired his gun. This gave the alarm, so we done some hard running through those barracks and we made it to our bunk. We crawled in, clothes and all. When the guards came through the building, we pretended to be sound asleep. So we decided, this was over with, also.

Now after we remained here 2 weeks, then we were told to fall in line with all of our equipment and get ready to move. We started about 9 o’clock that morning and were marched 11 miles out of town to a small town called Lampe (?). This was a small village with cobblestone streets about 10 foot wide. The people here all wore wooden shoes. They raised sheep and grapes, also wheat and barley. They would go out early in the morn, to their field. We were here put in large billets (?). Then again we began to drill and march or hike for miles. It was really getting tough. Sometimes we would be gone for 2-3 days, and would walk mile after mile. After about 2 months of this, they asked for volunteers for special training, also to learn for officers. Being ready to move again, and figuring it not to be any worse, I also signed up. Then in a few days, we were loaded on a train and sent close to Paris.

After giving us some tests, I was put in commando training. I soon found out I had made a mistake, but no matter how I tried, I was there to stay. This turned out to be a real tough training. We were taught everything, how to defend ourselves with bayonets, with pistols and knives. How to operate machine guns, throw hand grenades, go through streams, how to climb, fight with our fists, wrestle from our enemy, what to do and how to do it. We were out all day and night. Now this kind of a life made us all think if home sweet home, many times, but it seemed that the harder we had to train, the tougher we got, and everybody was on edge and ready to give the other guy a thumping, so there were fights every day amongst the men in this camp.

After about 2 months’ training, we were sent into the mountains to train under shell and machine gunfire. Here, many of the boys got hurt, as they would disobey the officers and get hit by bullets accidently. This was also tough going. Every night it would snow and we were in our puppy tents. We stayed here about 2 weeks and we were ready for the front lines. So we were sent back to Clermont. There we met many more troops and we were all loaded in coaches, this time to be sent to the front. After staying in the coaches all day in the rail yards, we pulled out at dusk. We rode all night, were taken out the next morning and were unloaded near a woods in which we had to stay. Here we were hidden to some extent from the enemy. After giving us a meal and hot coffee, we layed around and slept, as we were told we would again be on the move that night. Towards evening we again received a good meal and were again loaded in our coaches, leaving at dark. We now rode till about 3 in the morning. Then we unloaded in a small town by the name of Charley.

We now were put in houses, churches, barns, anywhere for shelter. Here in a woods that lay against the town, we would have to train and exercise. We were now close enough to the front to hear a rumble and noise of the big guns. At night we were able to see the sky all lit up. We now began to realize the serious danger we were facing, and everybody began to take things more serious. Some of the boys were very sad and had nothing to say. Others took it as aq joke but after about 5 days, these boys changed their tune, for we then moved to within about 1 ½-2 miles from the front. Here besides the roar and noise of those big guns, we too would receive some large artillery shells that would explode and jar the ground all over. We were told to make sure our gas masks and the rest of our equipment was in tip top condition because our lives depended on these. Also that we were now in a position to be called and to be pushed in at a minute’s notice. Now many funny sights were seen, some crying, others with fear, some reading their little Bibles, some praying, some of them going all to pieces or “bezerk” as we called it. Now some that were so brave a few days before were the biggest cowards and had the least to say.

Two days after we were here, we ate our supper and were listening to our officer giving instructions on the different gases they were using, and we all of a sudden heard the bugle put out the alarm to fall in line. It was a call to arms and this was it. The time to go into action was now and at once, as our officers told us that the Germans had broken through the American lines, that we had to stop the enemy from coming through. We were now marched out of this woods, and hiked about a mile towards the front. It was hard going in the dark, as we were so heavy loaded. (. . .) our blankets and extra hob nail shoes were all dumped in a pile along the road, as we no longer had to worry about sleep. We instead carried our machine guns and ammunition and some had a rifle and bayonet. We all carried pistols and dolks (?) which is a dagger. We were here stopped by some advance guards. They had a short talk to our officers. Then each platoon got their instructions. We all had to take to the fields beside us. My platoon had to remain until last. When all others had their position, we were told where to go. Then we were told, because we were special trained, we had the worst consignment. The breakthrough was laying before us, and that we were facing the enemy somewhere for sure.

It was a sad thing to think about one human being facing the other. But as we were instructed, if you don’t get him, he will get you, so try to save your life and be first. I don’t know how to explain my thoughts as we crawled and hunched along through the weeds and brush, every moment expecting to run into our enemy. After slow moving for several hours and crawling and moving leading my squad, I all at once heard a noise ahead of us and I was sinking flat to the ground. The other boys done likewise. We dropped our helmets for shields. After thinking a few minutes what to do, I whispered to the boys that I would throw a hand grenade and for them to be ready for a surprise attack, as we did not know how many we were facing here. It being close to us, I pulled the pin, counted 5, and let it go. It was a great noise as we were all trying to sneak quietly in the darkness of night. Now after waiting and not hearing anything, we pulled our daggers and started to move ahead slowly. After advancing some 15-20 feet, we came upon our enemy.

They were in an old shell hole. The hand grenade had landed in this hole squarely, and we received no answer. We crawled on and did not check them on our stretcher bearers would find them and help them if they were wounded. As we went on slowly, it was beginning to get worse. We were now moving into swamp water and mud 12-24 inches deep, also willows and brush. We were in this until daybreak and had a long distance to go in this, but we kept moving. Those were our orders. Finally we seen where we were getting to an end of this swamp and we were hearing machine guns and grenades exploding all about us, so we knew that the rest of this regiment was also stumbling into the enemy.

After a short time, I seen 2 young men dragging an officer towards us. After alerting the men not to shoot them, they came to us, then the officer begged us to help his platoon. Several had been killed and wounded, others had deserted their ranks. They were unable to hold it without help. To this point, we had all but one man. I don’t know what had happened to him. As much as we hated to, we moved over, therefore leaving about 20-30 men in this section. I, with the rest of the boys, started to move over. Seeing that we were facing them from the side, I told one of the boys to crawl around and tell this other platoon that we were going to attack from the side and not to shoot us or mistake us for more of the enemy. After a good wait, I noticed that the enemy was going to make a surprise bayonet attack, therefore we had to act now and at once, because if they all started milling amongst each other, we would only be able to help them using our own knives and bayonets. Having been put in charge, we therefore opened fire with our machine guns and the battle was on.

We then found out that we were far outnumbered. We fought hard the remainder of the day. We also found out that this platoon we were to help was of very little help to us, as they were badly torn to pieces. Therefore, we had a problem. When darkness came, we decided to move more to the other side where we were out of the swamp and a little higher up, so a few of the boys stayed to man machine guns at night, but were to leave before daybreak to join us on the other side. It was hard moving, so when we came to this other platoon that we were helping, most of them had been wounded or killed. What remained, I asked to come with us.

Now when daylight came, I noticed we had a better view of things. We also noticed they had barricaded for our old position, so we decided to give them a surprise. They were not sure we were there anymore, but were trying to draw our attention, not knowing that we were now behind them. Therefore we loaded each gun, got all ready and let go from behind them. As we cut loose this time, there was much confusion in their ranks, for we now had the chance to thin their ranks. So those of the enemy that could, fled in horror. This, as you might know, was sure a relief to us. We rejoiced, although our ranks were now getting thinner also.

We, that night, brought in more ammunition. Also a short distance from us was a small hill and grove. We also put men here in case they would try to come at us from behind. We decided to rest and see the outcome for a day or so, but the next morning, we seen a different picture. They had brought in more men and the front lines now were closer, and we saw that they were loaded. The first thought that dawned on me was that they would try to take us by storm, so we loaded every available machine gun. We now decided that if they came over the top, to wait till they were in the open to make our fire count the most, so we all at some of our corn beef in the rain, as it was now raining. We were already wet and dirty and nursing a few wounds, so it didn’t make much difference to us anymore. We decided to send a runner back to tell of our plight and to get more help. Sending one of our youngest boys to the rear, we took our position and just waited.

Now I was sure wishing for this day to pass, knowing we were so outnumbered that we were doomed. At night, I expected to get help. We were getting much small artillery fire. This meant that they had us in mind and we were not forgotten. At about 11 o’clock, the sad thing happened. They came over the top, also with a heavy artillery fire. It was sad for us. We now opened up with all we had, and we sure did mow down their first, and charge. We had an advantage being behind these rocks, but an artillery shell don’t pay any attention to rocks. We lost several men, but we had stopped the first and second attacks. Again, we were happy. Then the runner came crawling in; he had broken his arm and was in much pain. We bandaged his arm and told him to quit crying, that he was a soldier and had to face these things, and I had to come back here to see the end of this. Then he handed me a piece of paper and it said, “No help at all for at least 24 to 36 hours. As long as you men are able, hold the line.” Now I forgot I was a soldier. I also sat down and cried, for I knew that with only 30-35 men, we were dead ducks. Also, to get out in daylight was impossible, so after talking it over together, we decided to try to hold on until dusk and then pull out.

At about 3 in the afternoon, the artillery again let go on us. We knew they were going to try again, so we were all on edge and a pack of nerves, hoping to stop them again. This time, in this barrage, several more men were wounded and killed. I, too, received a lot of shrapnel in my back. I could feel the blood on my back and face, but also knew the worst was yet to come. And it did. Waves and waves came, and again we mowed them down, but not all of them. Some made it close to us. We tried to spot them but they were camaflouged just as the surroundings. This made it bad, for I knew they would jump us sooner or later. We laid wait with our knives and pistols. The boys would look at each other and sigh, then start to cry and pray for night to come, so we could move out unseen. Never were days or hours any longer than these. Then just before dark, they jumped up near to us, but as we had our knives and pistols ready they did not surprise us as much as they thought they would. We fought back hard and fast. When this encounter was over and it was dark, eleven of us moved back, as we were unable to hold any more, and I think every man had some kind of wound. We slowly moved back.

After moving about a quarter of a mile, we came upon a large troop movement coming our way. The officer in charge asked me who we were. I told him we were a machine gun outfit attached to the First Army and that I thought we had been helping an outfit from California. He then asked me if we had been holding a rocky ridge. I told him yes. He then told me he was there to relieve us. I briefed him on what was facing him and as to how far it was. After telling him all I could, I wished him luck and moved on back, as we were in bad shape, not having proper food and drink. We put up in a small grove to rest. I met a kitchen wagon and begged him for some food and hot coffee. He was a nice guy and gave us some hot coffee and corned beef and some peaches. Oh me, how good this was to us! After eating, it was no trick to lay down and sleep.

When we awoke the next morning, we felt much better. We ate what was left and started our hike again. After about an hour of walking, we met a YMCA truck. We told him we had no money but we wanted some candy. He refused to give it to us. So we took it anyway, and sent him on his way. We walked about 2 hours more and met a Salvation truck. We stopped them. We were hungry, and no money. They at once gave us hot chocolate and doughnuts, and each a bunch of candy and cigarettes. After this, we did not travel too long, maybe an hour, when we came to a field hospital. Many of these boys were now taken to base hospitals. Myself and some others, just having slight shrapnel wounds, were treated here at this post. After the shrapnel was removed from my back, I felt like a new man again. Now we rested, and were given good eats. It sure was great, and we enjoyed this for about a week.

I was then called into Headquarters Office and was asked about my commando training. After a long talk, I was dismissed. I did not quite understand this meeting and talk, but I hoped for the best. On Monday morning I was again called in and given a brief talk. They dismissed me again but told me they would call me the next morning. This time they told me that they needed information from behind the German lines. I was assigned to go on a mission and get this for them. I sure did hate this and told them so. They said with our training, we would be able to do it. The next morning they asked for two volunteers to go with me. Finally, two of them came forth. We were then given our assignment and instructed how to do what we had to do, where we were to go. Then they told us that once behind the lines, we had to do the best we could and were able to do. This I knew was one real tough job. I also knew if we were caught behind the lines, we would receive no mercy from the enemy. The more we thought of it, the more we dreaded it.

On Saturday morning we were equipped for this trip. They gave us German money to use if we had a chance. They gave us a dagger which we placed in back of our necks. When we raised our hands, our shoulder blades covered most of it and they would not find it so quick. We also carried wire cutters and a revolver. Now we were taken past the heavy artillery and up to the light artillery. Here we were unloaded, given a pass to show to the field artillery and also the infantry officers. We were now on our own.

How each one of us dreaded this task, as all of us knew how serious this mission was going to be, but slowly we moved on past the field artillery and machine gunners, telling each of our mission. We finally came to the trenches loaded with doughboys. I then explained our mission and the officers told us they would elevate their fire and give us 2 hours to make clear. We had about 30 (rods? Rocks?) to go to the barbed wire entanglements, follow them for about a mile. Here we would find a highway. Now as we went over the top, to “No man’s land,” it was raining hard. We made sure our knife or dagger was in place in back of our necks, our faces black, our watches turned upside down so they would not shine in the dark. Our guns loaded, now we started. We shook hands, wished each other good luck, said good bye to the boys and officers in the trench, and crawled over.

We had to crawl and snake on our bellies in this rain. We would not have had to blacken our faces, as we were in a short time wet and had plenty of mud. We moved as fast as we could in this, many times shedding tears and thinking how nice it would be to be home instead. The bullets were singing a tune over our heads and sometimes just a little too close, but we had to go on, as our time was limited. After that time they would get maybe still closer.

We moved on along the barbed wire entanglement. Then, what I dreaded the most, did happen. One of my boys lost his nerve. He began to cry and talk out loud. We tried to quiet him but he was out of control. We tried to talk him out of it, but no, his nerves had him, so we used the last resort. We slugged him to sleep. Then we drug him along. When he awoke, he had calmed down, so I talked to him and told him he could go back if he was unable to go any farther. But he thanked me for keeping him down and said he wanted to go with us. To raise up here was sure death. We all knew this very well. We moved as fast as we were able to, trying to make this highway before daylight and get hid for the day. We finally made this highway, then had to hide in a place where nobody could walk or sit down, or they would find us for sure. There was a bank about 10 feet high on one side of this road, so we dug in and covered ourselves with brush leaves, anything so they would not find us that day. We were finally hidden and here come daylight. It was a great strain to lay there all day and hope and watch. We now realized that the Germans were using this highway for their wounded soldiers, and for ambulances. All day long they were working below us, bringing in the wounded soldiers. The dead one, they left lay, but the wounded they would take to the hospital. This looked good to me, as we had to get German uniforms that night. This made it easy for us to get them. They also had knapsacks with eats and canteens with drink. This we also needed, as by now we were getting hungry. They places live and dead before us all day, so when night finally came, I bumped the boys and we slowly moved out of our nests.

I told the boys to be careful but to try and get a German uniform to fit from some dead German. I also had noticed that day that they had left several stretchers loaded, a short way down the road from us. We decided to try these first, and this proved right. They were dead. So we helped ourselves, boots and all. We also found eats and drink. Now we were on our way.

It was hard going because it was raining, and traffic of trucks, guns and ambulances made it hard to travel. Now I decided on trying to get an ambulance. Finally we came upon one that was stalled. We waited in ambush till they got it started again, then jumped them, tied them up and drug them away from the highway, so they would not give us away, and I hope that they were found the next day. On our way, the 6 on stretchers were all serious wounded, as most of them did not move much. Now our going was slow, as at night there was a lot of traffic. That was when all the moving was done. We were hoping to get to this town by night. We knew we could not go into town in daylight. We made this town about 1:30. In the morning we pulled to the side near the hospital, and left the ambulance there. Then, where to go was the next problem, and also to get eats and drinks. So we scouted around awhile in the dark places.

We had now bandaged our heads so we could make-believe we were unable to talk, just mumble. I finally seen a barroom well crowded. I told my 2 buddies I was going to take a chance to get a qt. of whiskey. Having a good swallow of this would strengthen us and relieve our hunger. Telling the boys to guard me, I went in making some signs for the whiskey, layed my pocket book on the bar with my left hand, as I had my right in a sling, holding in it my dagger concealed. I made it and got two instead of one. After I was out again, I knew we had to cross a bridge or river to get in this camp.

Finding the bridge, we noticed it had two guards on the end. We were debating what to do. Just then, a large body of soldiers came marching in. I told the boys to wait till the tail end and on my signal, we would follow also. This we did, and we also marched into this camp. Now, where to hide? We were unable to stay by these soldiers so in the darkness we scouted around. I finally noticed a building standing close to this river, so we went there to look it over. The front side was about 6 inches from the ground, the back about 12-15 inches high. We decided this was it for the rest of the night and also for the next day. We were now tired and weary, but happy so far. Now we crawled under and went to sleep, but not for long, as we soon discovered that we had other friends. It was rats. Now we had to stay, so we closed our clothes sleeves and collars and had to make the best of it for the day, hoping that night would hurry and come again. What a long day this was. Many tears were being shed as we thought of home and the good old USA. Finally, night did come, and once dark we got out from under this building.

The boys tried to find another place to hide, as I scouted around in the dark to get my information. It was sure tough and hard, as the place was full of soldiers. Being unable to talk German, still I was able to understand most of it from knowing Holland in 3-4 different dialects. This helped me very much. I had to be very careful in moving about. I finally returned to the boys. They were very glad to see me, as I had been gone several hours. I had also found some canned meat and old bread. This we ate. Then they told me they had not found another place to stay. I think that they were too afraid to move and look for any other place. I did not blame them too much, although life was just as sweet to me as it was to them. So now we faced the rats another night. Oh, how I hated that. But we had to do it, as I knew morning would soon come, and we did not have any more time to look that night. So in and under we again crawled to hide another day. What a day, raining and cold under this building as I lay here. I decided one more night and I would be ready to start for our lines again. When it got dark, I told the boys to try to find a better place to stay that night and next day. We were having trouble getting around, as I think the Germans began to realize there was an enemy in camp, for every place was now guarded double. Maybe the ambulance drivers told their story, and us leaving the ambulance by the hospital made them a little suspicious. I knew this was the wrong thing to do, but felt sorry for the wounded soldiers in it.

When I returned to the boys, they were glad and happy. They asked me if I had found any eats. I had an empty bucket full of scraps that the cooks had dumped out, so we ate this. It sure was a mixture but it went down and filled us up anyway. I asked them if they had been out and they said no. Every place had more guards. Even the bridge had 4 men instead of 2. So I told them that this was our last night and night. Tomorrow night, we would try to get out again. They said, “How?” and I told them to help me figure out a way. I told them to think hard, but that I thought the bridge was our only escape way. Now the day passed slow, but having moved around all night, I did sleep several hours. When I awoke, my buddies were both wide awake. They told me that soldiers had been going in and out of the building over us, but everything was now quiet.

We waited till dark and then watched the bridge. I was hoping that some troops would leave, but no, this was not our luck. Then I talked to the boys and asked them if they could each handle one man, and I would try two of them if we were stopped. They finally decided this had to be it. So putting one arm in a sling with the dagger in it as a blink (?), we also bandaged our heads and chin so we could make the excuse not to be able to talk. We shook hands and hoped to all make it safe. Not seeing any other soldiers but just the guards, we started.

I knew we were all shaking bad, and as we came to the guards, they stopped us and wanted our pass. This we did not have. I motioned to our heads and arms, but no was the answer. I gave the order to strike, and we did. Using our daggers to defend us, it took them by surprise. One of my men gave a push, and over the railing he went. What happened to the other one, I do not know, as I ran for the other end of the bridge. I now noticed that only one of the boys was coming with me. What happened, we did not know, and we had no chance to find out, as it was then every man for himself. Getting across the bridge, we jumped to the other side, and just in time, for now the bullets began to fly. We ran alongside some building and as we were running, I saw an open cellar window, so in we went. It was a wine cellar as dark as pitch. Feeling in the dark, I noticed large barrels about 5 ft. high. They were about 12-14 inches off the ground, so under we went, for we knew they would all be looking for us now. We heard footsteps on the floor over us and a few outside, so all we could do was hope and wait. We were very sorry for our buddy, but figured he lost his nerve again. We shed tears several times that day, as we realized how serious our own troubles were.

The remainder of the night and day finally passed, so watching a long time, we got out and started to move toward the hospital. I had decided that to take an ambulance out of town was our best bet. We did not know whether to slug a driver and helper or what to do. We were just about ready to most anything to save our own lives. We knew we were in much danger now, being wanted by every German. We were just about ready to tackle the last ambulance when one stopped in front of this saloon. They both got out and ran inside, to get a drink. This was our chance and away we went. After a short distance, guards were stopping every truck that went through. Thinking quick, I slowed my motor down, told my buddy to duck and gave her the gun. When I slowed my motor, the guards thought I was stopping. So I surprised them when I opened up and headed through them. It was several minutes before they woke up and began to shoot at us. Doing a lot of weaving, only one bullet hit our windshield. We asked each other, “Are you hit?” and no was the answer. How lucky again. Now we went about 5 miles and here was a big embankment. I told my buddy to get out and he did. Then I headed her for the embankment, jumped myself, and over the hill it went. This happened not much too soon, as two motorcycles came sailing down the road. I figured they would try to catch up with us, but as the truck was now in the ditch, I knew they would not find it till morning. This gave us a head start.

We ran the remainder of that night. We also sprinkled our tracks so that the blood hounds would lose their scent. They could smell no more for 12-18 hours. That helped us. Two days later, we spotted a group of soldiers with 4 hounds, so we realized they were on the move. We also realized they were using 2 dogs and holding 2 back. When 2 lost their smellers, the other 2 were put to work.  We had to use our powder more. We done everything, circled, zig zagged, walked in water, anything to get away. It was a terrible feeling to be chased and in danger all the time. Moving was also slow, as we did not know what was before us either. We would have to eat what we were able to find, sometimes a patch of carrots or turnips. This was a real treat to us, as we had to stay hid all the time, not daring to show ourselves. After running until daylight, we stopped to rest awhile. In daylight we were able to see anything coming far enough to give us a little head start. After we had rested awhile, we decided to move on. We tried to move behind hedge rows so as not to be seen. We moved slow all day and night.

The following afternoon, from somewhere they came and almost overtook us. How we did run that afternoon! There were now several of them. When they seen us, they let several rounds of machine gun bullets try to stop us, but we were still a “Lucky two”. We now ran toward a small farm to hide there. As we reached it, I seen an old man and a crutch. I also seen that his farm yard was oiled. I told my buddy, “This way, through this oil, as it would stop the dog’s smeller.” Glancing at the old man, I took a chance and said, “American.” I was right. He was to us a helper. I noticed at once that when he said, “Come here,” that he was English. He now quickly moved a cement step back and said, “Jump in and be quiet. I will see you when everything is okay.” We jumped in. It was an old cistern about 2 feet deep. Then everything became dark as pitch. My buddy said to me, “If this is a trap, what will be do?” I told him, “Then shoot it out with them.” This was a cold, wet place, and a big worry, for we were able to hear them outside. My buddy now came close and said, “How much longer?” and “How much more of this?” Putting my hand behind his back to cheer him, I noticed a ledge. I felt some more and said, “There is level ground and it’s dry,” so I pushed him up. He then pulled me up. Now we had dry ground. This, I think, was the overflow for the cistern. We waited for hours. Finally, about 30 ft from us, I heard something. We pulled our guns and waited. Finally, he gave us a little whistling sound. I answered him and moved up slow. He finally whispered to us that the Germans were gone, but talked of coming early in the morning to continue their search. He then asked us our mission, asked if we had guns and knives. I told him we were hungry. He said, “You just wait here, we will feed you. My wife is getting it ready now.” So we waited some more. Finally he came again, and had a nice feed for us, gave us 4 sandwiches and a pint of whiskey to take along. Then he told us to follow the rail road track for about 7 miles, then go about 5 miles to our right. There the front was lighter and we had a better chance to get through the lines. Now he told us to keep on crawling down this ledge, not to use any light, as he did not know if all the Germans had left. He said, “Feel the bank as you go. There is an opening covered with brush. Put it back when you get through,” and he bid us goodbye. He also said, “If you are caught, don’t never tell them of us helping you.” We told him okay and thanked him for everything.

As we moved along this wall, I found the opening. We were real uneasy and afraid too, so we waited a long time to see if we spotted anybody around. It was raining and dark. Finally, we began to move on. Then I realized that I had lost a small compass. Now no sun, no moon or stars made it bad. Walking down the tracks a long time, we came to a water tower, and daylight was coming closer. Where to stay was next. After checking this tower, my buddy thought we should scale it, as under the tank were large beams. He said, “a good place to be all day.” So up we went. Now these beams were about 18 inches across, nice to lay on all day, and that also gave us a chance to get our directions right again. I needed the sun to tell me my directions. It rained all day. Several trains stopped for water but they were unable to see us. One inspector came, looked the tank over, sat down, had a nap, and away he went.

As soon as it was dark, we got down. I told my buddy we had better make tracks, as maybe they were on our trail again. After running and hiking several miles, we noticed troop movements and plenty of field and heavy artillery. I now knew that we had gone too far. We had to go back, as we had to go through the lines at a river, creek or highway. We ran back a  couple of miles, then started to go through hills and woods, and had to be more than ever careful. We done everything that night, shed tears, prayed, shook hands and wondered if we were doing okay or not. We ran and walked all night. Many times we would see soldiers and wonder if they saw us, or were after us. Then we would go a different direction. The pounding of those big guns made so much noise and rumble, we were unable to hear the bloodhounds hollering, and we were unable to tell where our enemy was anymore. I longed to get back out of this mess. We moved slow in daylight behind hedgerows, afraid to stop, but we were now worn out and had to rest.

We came to a small hill. Here we were able to see a good distance. There was also corn, beets and cabbage here, so we ate our fill. Then I told my buddy, “You take a good sleep and I will watch, then I sleep and you will watch. So off to sleep he went and I watched. I was too afraid to go to sleep and left him sleep about 2 hours or longer, then woke him up. Now he was to stay awake and watch for our friends who were after us, and it did not take me long to fall asleep also. How long I slept, I do not know, but I sure awoke quickly, for someone ticked me in the side, and what I had always dreaded had happened. My buddy had again went to sleep and the Germans had us now. One of them spoke good English. I looked at my buddy who was crying and he said, “I went to sleep again.” We were now searched but all their searching missed our daggers in our necks. This made me happy.

There were 5 Germans. One was an officer and he was really tough and big. He asked us many questions. I told him we were hunting for souvenirs and had gotten lost. He asked, “Why the German uniform?” I told him this was the way we were trying to get back. He looked at the other men and just laughed. As we stood there with our hands on our heads, I was thinking hard what to do, knowing we were now their wanted men. Just then my buddy let fly with his knife. About 2 moves, and he was no more. They shot him down. I cried and they laughed, but not for long, as my buddy had cut this one soldier across the chest and stomach. He had to go to a hospital. I offered to bandage him, thinking maybe to get a little mercy, but no. They searched me again and especially my arms. I think they thought this was the hiding place, but they still missed my knife. How glad I was again. Now two soldiers were told to go to the highway and bring this wounded soldier to the hospital. It was now raining hard, so I was taken into an old cement house. The 4 dogs were tied inside. They placed me by an old table with the officer on the end and an older man beside me. I was now sweating hard, so I asked to take my big coat off. He consented. I was all the time studying how to get them, and I needed arm room. They would ask me some questions. If my answer did not suit the officer, he would beat me, knock me down, and kick me. After doing this two times, the third time I bumped into the older man and he, too, would beat me.

I now decided to take one big chance. The next time I was down, I would try to get my knife, and this I did. I now had it in my right sleeve. They had their guns on the table before them. I now had to make sure, or I was gone. It was an awful decision, but it had to be that way. They now asked me more questions. I gave them a smart answer. He jumped up to strike me again. Giving him an unexpected shove, I slashed the knife over the other man’s face and neck. He was severely wounded. I grabbed both guns on the table and blazed away. I also shot the 4 hounds so they could trail no more. Now I looked toward the highway and seen nobody coming. I ran to my buddy but he needed no more help.

As I ran along the ditches and hedgerows by myself now, I shed many tears. It was sure lonely running the remainder of the day. I finally came to this highway. Many times I had to crawl to make headway, as there was much traffic at night. In the daytime it was ambulances, so I now moved a slow pace, but I was gaining anyhow. Finding hiding places all the time made it hard going. Several times I had to go back a long ways to get around a large body of troops. I now noticed that thousands of troops were pouring across this highway and moving into the fields. Artillery was also coming in so I had to move back once more. I then decided to move several miles over and try to get through, so back I went again.

I thought my followers had now given up, so I took a good rest. Awakening, I seen troops coming in a field – about 20 of them. Not daring to stay there any longer, I moved on over the field and soon found they were trailing me again. Oh, how I hated that. So I began to run again. Now I found out that they were in more than one group. I ran, but as it was still daylight, they spotted me and came faster. I ran over a small hill. Here was an old building. I thought maybe I could hide in there. After I got there, I happened to think, “If they don’t find me, they may burn it down.” So out I went, and now noticed an old, open well with a bucket hanging from a pulley. “This,” I thought, “is it,” so down the rope I went to the bottom. The water was about 4 feet deep, and cold. I stood in this, waiting and listening. Finally I heard an officer shouting his commands. I waited and waited, hoping they would not find me. Finally I noticed they did burn the place down. Up to this point, I had outsmarted them.

I stayed in this well till dark, then I slowly started to move up by putting my back against one wall, my bare feet against the other. It was hard, but I had to make it. When I got to the top, I waited and rested a long time to make sure the soldiers were not still lurking around the place. When I did not see any movements anyplace I slowly climbed over on the shadow side, as the building was still burning and this made it light. After crawling a short distance, I again waited a short time, then I moved some more, waiting quite often. Finally getting a short distance away, no sound no place, I got up and begin to run and did not stop for a long time. Getting tired, I stopped to rest and think of how and what to do next. I noticed now that there was heavy artillery fire on both sides of me. The shells of our guns were coming heavy on both sides of me, so I decided to go straight on and try it. I went on, being awful careful. Finally I noticed I was in line with heavy artillery. I got through this sector. Then came field artillery, but it was light here, just a few batteries. This all helped me along. Now I had to hide, for morning was coming.

I finally found a suitable place and put up for the day. I was worrying all day of being found by the soldiers. I was no more worrying about my trailers now, as I knew they were unable to move here to the front lines. The day was a long one for myself. I could see Germans crawling around all day, but this gave me a chance to figure a way to go and start out that night. To sleep was impossible. I was too nervous and afraid, for fear of being found, so as soon as it was dark, I began to snake ahead.

I finally came to machine gun nests, so I had to listen very close to see where they were and how they were placed about me. I finally made it past them. Then came the trenches with the soldiers in them. When I got a short distance from them, I noticed they were loaded. I laid there and shed tears, for I knew not how to get through them. Finally, I decided to hide one more day behind them. I finally found a suitable place and dug in, hoping for one more lucky day to come. It was about 1 o’clock in the morning so I laid there thinking. Then about 3 o’clock I heard foot soldiers moving over. I think the Germans expected a big push in a new sector. I decided it was my chance to move, so I moved closer and closer to these trenches.

Finally, I decided they were empty and the troops were moving over, so I beat it through and snaked I as fast as I could. I finally made the wire entanglement. I sure did dig to get under it, and after making it, I had to dig in so I was below ground level. This way, the bullets went over me. Now I felt a whole lot better and remained there the rest of the day, hoping that neither side would try to advance that day. All went well. Then when darkness came, I again began to sneak ahead. I was getting weak for lack of food, drink and sleep, but knew I had to go on, which I did till 4 o’clock. Then I heard a loud noise. I noticed our doughboys were coming over the top. They would have to pass me. It was still dark as they were running past me. I was now playing dead. Once or twice they came close by me, but they were moving on.

I was laying close to some big rocks and they would run around them. That way they missed me again. I was a happy man, but I still did not trust it too much, as I did not know where our machine gunners were. So I just stayed there. If I had had an American uniform, then I would have been okay, but knew if a machine gunner or doughboy saw a German uniform, I would be a dead duck. So I stayed here all day, afraid to move.

When night came, I began to snake on. I had not heard or seen any gunners, but still, I moved slow and finally made it to our trenches. I then seen some of our mop up detail at work, bringing in the wounded. I crawled a little closer, then I hollered at them. One of them looked over and said, “One of our German boys is still alive over there. I’ll go see him.” So over he came. I remained lying down. When he came closer, I began to talk to him, holding my hands above my head, and told him my story. He asked me if I was wounded. I told him no, but I was very weak and needed food and drink. He did not pay much attention to what I said. Instead, he ordered me up, searched me, taking my gun and told me to start moving. He guarded me very close. I told him that I was very happy that he was taking me back. I told him I was unable to move fast with them German boots on, as my feet were blistered and very sore. He still thought he had a German prisoner and I did not blame him, as he was doing his duty.

We walked about 1 ½ hours. I asked him to take me to Headquarters to my officers. He just looked at me and laughed. Now I became sick for want of food and drink. He then gave me a little drink of coffee from a canteen he was carrying. We rested awhile, then 2 more soldiers came along. He told them to help me and we would go again. An officer came along on a side car motorcycle. He stopped the officer and talked to him. The officer then came over to me and I told him to take me to my commander – that he would know me. He told me that in 15 mins., we would be there, so he went on, and we did likewise.

Since I knew we were almost there, it gave me renewed spirit to get there now. We were coming into camp quarters. I seen my officer going to another tent. I yelled at him by name. He turned and looked, then came running to me. He caught hold of my hand and said, “I had given up seeing you again, as you are far past due!” He told the soldier to turn me loose. Now I thanked him. He said, “I’m sorry I did not believe you.” I said, “Think nothing of it, for it was your duty to do this.”

I now was given a good bath, clean clothes, and plenty to eat and drink. Then I was taken to Headquarters and asked about everything I had seen, and what I knew that they did not know. I told them of my experiences on these trips, and also that I had lost my buddies. I was now given a life of leisure, also soon had my feet in shape to walk around camp again, and enjoy not being chased by Germans and packs of hounds anymore. This to me was sure a real life again. How I did enjoy these good eats, and also this good rest again. It was now but a short time until Nov. 11th Armistice Day, and what a day of rejoicing this was to all of us. Even we in the rest camp were celebrating, for now we knew that in short time, we would be able to return home, back to our Old USA, and to our friends.

By George Plantenga, my great grandfather,
b.10-15-1893, Roseland, IL 
d.1986, Lafayette, IN
a first-generation American, whose parents were immigrants from Friesland, Holland

Lightning Strikes!

The Air, Alive

like an unseen presence

sensed long before it's seen or heard

from quiet it comes

the straining sound of silent static

energy is mounting

soon comes the lightning

-JB 11/10/11

In his playing days, my father was known as White Lightning.  To look at him now, this moniker may sound strange, because it isn't like he looks like and albino. In fact, as a non-tanning freckler, he almost gives the appearance of having rather normal skin tone when he's got a shirt on. Take that shirt off, however, and the sheen reflecting off his torso may blind you. You see, that part of his body does not often see the light of day - and from daylight come the freckles. With his shirt off, he's an almost shickingly pale-white honkey, albeit with somewhat darker arms and neck.

Well, you get the idea.

Anywho... often coached as I was by his former players, and a non-tanning freckler in my own right, I was sometimes called White Lightning Jr.  This reference fell into disuse over time, as many nicknames are wont to do, until I revived it many years later with an ill-advised self-depricating email sent to a few co-workers containing a photo of then seventeen-year-old Jamal in his high-school soccer uniform.

Soon I was known to the office (and other offices from Appleton to Chicago) as the man, the myth, the legend - White Lightning!  A red-haired, short-shorted moron who sends goofy photos of himself to co-workers.

Well, friends, something interesting happened on a day when my wife and I held a devotional in the forest, and took communion with the wind in the trees - the spark of life took form... and it's been growing ever since.  Will that spark turn into White Lightning the 3rd, or will it be a baby girl sidekick to join her mother at my side?

Only time will tell.

Taking My Unique Brand Of Stupid Elsewhere

Well friends, I'm branching out from this blog.

In my continuing effort to avoid giving up the things I waste time on, I'm trying to make the wasted time more productive.  As such, I volunteered to participate in a weekly podcast covering (mainly) the Tennessee Titans.  It's being run by TitansReport.com, but I've got the direct link below.

We're calling the podcast Two Tone Crew, in honor of the uniforms that the Titans wear.  I like to think that we're the podcast equivalent of combining the musical talents of 2 Live Crew and the Deftones.

I'm one of the three main hosts and we recorded the first episode Thursday night (on less than half a day's notice).  One thing to note is that this is a learning process.  Myself and the other hosts had never spoken to one another before sitting down to record, and we were spread across three states.  Because of that, we recorded over Skype.  This left room for the audio to T-Pain itself once in awhile, but otherwise I think it sounds pretty good.

I listened to the first podcast twice Friday night, as we were trying to decide whether or not we were satisfied with the editing, before it was posted (sometime around 1:46 am).

You are more than welcome to listen to it, just click the link below.  I'm not going to promise that you will enjoy it, especially if you aren't a Titans fan, but if you do give it a listen - I would truly be interested in your feedback as we work to improve this ever-advancing podcast.

Don't Be Such A Dummy, Dumbo

One man's compromise is another man's deal with the devil... only this devil doesn't play a fiddle... and this man isn't named Johnny.

Come count the crows sitting on the wire, a perfect black profile against the sky.  One... two... three... You'd better hurry - they'll soon be off, for they've work to do. 

"Anything is possible," the moral says, as a crow gives the elephant one of his feathers.

But wait... did you hear that?  Rewind the movie.  Yep, there it is again.  Turn the volume up.  Put on the subliminal messages closed captioning and you'll see.  It's the SMCC button.

"Racism is alive and well, because we like this story," the crow says to a new generation of children.  "It's an American Classic!"

Does the addict really quit for two months, or was he just on a break? Some say there's a path we're walking, but I wonder if we'll ever reach the end when we double back so often for a peek at poorly chosen nostalgia.

Cogito Ergo Sum And Know Thyself!

I often hear people talk about how uplifting writing or reading or music or dance are… well, not dance so much, but I would hear about it more if I knew more dancers.  At varying times, all of the first three work for me.  Really, though, it's just variations on a theme.  They all find their root in letting the mind wander and picking up inspiration from the universe.

They are a sort of active meditation, and I consider meditation to be of vast significance for anyone who chooses to engage in it.

A Life Less Dynamic’s 3 Q&A’s To A Better You.

1.   “I think, therefore I am.”  Gee, thanks Descartes, but what am I?

As an intrepid reader of A Life Less Dynamic, I know that the essence of knowledge is what one knows about one’s self.  (Previous Post)  If you are right that I exist, surely I should endeavor to know who or what I am.

First, though, let’s inadequately address a two points on Descartes.  One, I won’t even touch the propriety of Descartes’ equating thought to existence, because I think it inherently confuses the meaning of existence.  Two, I do not believe thoughts exist in the absence of having been begotten.  Thus, Jamal Earl Black believes that the existence of his thoughts assumes the existence of a person or agent thinking them, namely – Jamal Earl Black.

If you can follow the preceding bundle of sentences… you exist as well.  If, on the other hand, that paragraph makes no sense to you – your lack of understanding calls your entire existence into question.  Stop reading this blog immediately on pain of complete, utter, and spontaneous self-annihilation!

2.   Ok, returning to the first train of thought:  I exist, so what am I?

In short, I don’t know for sure… but that doesn’t matter, so long as I recognize that I am not my body or my thoughts.

It is easy to cognitively acknowledge the fact that you are not your body.  After all, your thoughts prove existence… but not human and bodily existence.  In practice, however, stubbing your toe hurts.  Try telling your toe it doesn’t exist and see what happens.

Understanding that you are not your thoughts is a bit harder, because those really are all that you have.  The important thing to consider here is that your thoughts emanate from, and are relevant to, a thing which begets them.

So what is this separate thing which begets thoughts?  Science teaches that the brain thinks, but that is mere physical representation (which has not been proven to exist).  Jamal teaches that it doesn’t matter.  Acknowledgement of this thing is sufficient.

You are it.

3.   Ok, I’m a thought begetter, and…?

Much of life consists of the analysis of external stimuli, which is useful because it gives us knowledge and ability to function in the physical world.  Meditation is different.  It is the active stimulation and consideration of one’s inner self through the letting go of attention to one’s physical self.

It allows for the application of the command: “Know Thyself!”

Your thoughts do not define you – your ‘self’ defines your thoughts.  Know yourself and think with purpose and intent.  Choose your thoughts wisely.

Longing To Be A Leaf And Playing Clue With Life

Who killed Mr. Time?  Life, in the study, with distraction.

I haven't posted for awhile now, and I blame life.  Everytime I feel the desire to sit, think, and jot down words... something comes up.  I've also been spending more time writing Mr. Sir Awesome Masterpiece, Himself.

Now that I have more of an outline, my co-conspirator (we'll call him Alex Zander) has finally jumped on board and we've been taking turns writing, imagining, and sending the Word doc back and forth via email.  It's fun and more is getting done than when I work alone, though there is a lot more time spent having to take things from my brain and inject them into his... somehow... and small diferences in vision are less than exciting to resolve in 10 word snippets over email.  I'm also finding that my excessive use of "..." does not work as well in a novel as it does in a blog.

-~<>~-

My father posted a haiku on Facebook recently, as a tribute to his sunny fall day in South Carolina.  It inspired me to write my own haiku, as a tribute to the blustery fall day we had in Wisconsin.

Sunny Day

sunlit blooms cry out

take my beauty home with you

i seek love not frost

- AB 10/18/11

Blustery Day

wind blows leaf from tree

which falling down says goodbye

fitting end, old age

- JB 10/18/11

I someday hope to be as a leaf - to fall back to the earth and return to dust, having lived life whole and healthy, showing my true colors.

Mr. Sir Awesome Masterpiece, Himself

I'm at a coffee shop thinking and writing today, while my side-kick wife is off on an adventure of her own.  It's her side band, of sorts, to hang out with her friends... and I'm not the jealous type.  I hope she enjoys herself as much as I plan to.

One thing I'm doing right now is to try and consolidate a few of the sporadically written/typed thoughts for my sci-fi book, which at one time or another have flowed copiously from my brain.  Mind-wrapping them together is going to be a task without trying to organize them first.  Much of what I find is interesting, but more in the vein of a passing thought than a building block for a novel.  Some of the better stuff is fun to read again.  Because I haven't revisited much of it for over a year now, it's almost like I'm reading someone else's work.

Here is a passage that I found today, originally written on August 21st, 2010.  It is (in theory) coming from the Mr. Miyagi/Yoda-type character, as he tries to open the eyes of his protege.  What I like about it is that I feel it hits on a fundamental truth, yet I could never have come up with this myself without trying to dream up something which sounds mystical and profound - two words which I would never use to describe myself.  In a way, even though I wrote it, I didn't think of it... an imagined character did, and then shared it with me.

Some will tell you that man exists to bring order to the world.  We build things, we create, and our society provides structure for a life which, through sciences and intellectual discourse, is ever-advancing.

I believe that the world exists to help man bring himself into order, that the essence of knowledge is not what one knows about the world but what one knows about himself, and that all existence speaks to the reality of man. All we have to do is to learn to listen.

Other times I find little journal entries that I wrote from some character's perspective to try and get inside their mind.  Reading them again, I see myself in the character I'm trying to create.  Am I becoming more like them, as I dream them up... or are they just a reflection of a formerly hidden self that I am uncovering slowly?

I watch the leaves falling from the trees and wonder what it would be like to do the same - to watch as unwanted bits of myself fall slowly to the ground while the rest of me remains standing, solid, and resolute; growing through it all.

Is man capable of such a revolution as the changing of the seasons?

The last type of thing that I am finding are little blurbs written here and there as cultural proverbs, as a means of trying to delve into what makes a society tick.

If ever you arrive again at the same fork in the road, you must have chosen wrong the first time.

This is fun stuff for me, and should be exciting for you.  This post amounts to a free sneak-peak at my awesome masterpiece in-progress.

That noise you hear is joy within your heart - softly booming.

This Post Has Ironic Qualities

I promised myself that I would post tonight, but wasted the night on Facebook whilst avoiding the dishes.  Now that I am completing them (the dishes), I am too tired to do more than post this measly half-joke.

(in case you are wondering, this is a post about the absence of a post... thus ironic.... kinda)

Book Writing And Devotionals

I've been writing again.

There exist two books which have been merrily swimming about in my brain juices for more than a few years.  One is a children's book, the other a science-fiction fantasy book.

The first book never goes the direction I feel it should, though I still think it works as a concept and have pieced together a story of sorts.  I downloaded a 'Publishing Children's Books: For Dummies' book on my iPhone, but got distracted by writing the sci-fi fantasy book before I could get too far into learning the next steps.  The sci-fi fantasy book, I think, is finally mapped out in enough detail and realism that it will work if I can just bring myself to put the detail to the pages.  My plan is to just publish it in electronic form, maybe as a free kindle book.  Hopefully the catharsis merits the effort.

**If I die before accomplishing anything of note, search my computer and journals.  There's enough material there for someone to be a starving artist.

As someone who plays too much Fantasy Football and mindlessly watches/consumes the NFL in copious portions, I have decided to try and make this time less of a complete waste.  I've contacted at least one person about starting a Sunday Football devotional.  Since I'm a misplaced Titan's fan living in the frozen tundra, I've succumbed to peer pressure and will name it "Prayers then Packers."

The concept is easy - praise God, then waste a few hours of the life He gave you.

Anyone interested, shoot me an email.  I don't know how large we'll grow this, as it isn't likely to be hosted at my (cable tv free) house, but we'll see what happens - and inter-faith devotionals are always the best.  I figure, that way we increase the odds that one of us is praying in the right direction.

Hippie, Once Removed

"I take photographs, often while in my favorite places.  I don't know why I take these photographs, as if to chart the passage of time like a flip book, filling yet another volume with near identical snapshots.

I lean out onto the rocky outcroppings to capture the familiar, not-quite-right framing of building, lake, and trees.  My skin is cold in the early September air, but within me I have a heart which is warm, alive, and beating.

And hiking around, the soles of my shoes are worn.

And hiking around, my own soul is revived.

Around me the air is full, brimming with the scent of things nearly done living.  Inward I draw their spirit as it passes from the world, and exhaling I share the joys of summer given.  The leaves that remain lend a voice to the wind and it cries of change, sighs renewal, and proclaims the moving on of another year well-lived.  I hear it now, in a one-time performance, and will not forget it.

Why do I take pictures of the same things when they already fill album after album?  Maybe it is to fulfill the superstition.  Maybe capturing the spirit of life and holding it still in time will remind me that I was once young and there was a day when my wife and I held a devotional in the forest, and took communion with the wind in the trees.

I am here now, in this moment, breathing in the spirit of things which have existed only to pass on - to me, at this exact time.

*click*" -JB 09/05/11

I love trees, and I would consider naming a child River, Lotus, Sage, or Autumn - but I am not truly a hippie.  I am the son of a true hippie - a man who sought truth passionately and, I like to think, found it.  There is a freedom in searching, as you give yourself away completely to the process.  There is a freedom in finding yourself again, transformed.

Sometimes I feel that I have never had to search, but then I remove myself from the trappings of society and, feeling that I have found something of substance, realize that my search was merely quieter than some who have come before.

My father was a hippie.  I guess that makes me a hippie, once removed.

Kodachrome Once Captured

We listened to Tracy chase a Cat, and our chaperone laughed as she drove us to the Devil in your red Pontiac Bonneville.  You a tan peacoat and me my expectation, we saw a sunset burning in the trees and everywhere the sumac was bleeding.  I breathed in life with every breath and the crying down of leaves at the end of the season felt more like a new beginning.

Those are my favorite shoes I've ever owned

We climbed Boulder Mountain with the sweet taste of apple still lingering in our mouths. Driving home in slow motion, your smile lingered long after we'd forgotten about the apples.

 

For so long, I labored under the impression that I look much the same as I did before... and for so long I was right.  It startles me to look at photos from a decade ago and realize that this is no longer true.  Some dour, heavier Jamal has taken the place of the smiling, near-cute one that Kodachrome once captured.

Damn it all.